In retrospect, Disney wasn’t fitting.
“You can wear what you like if you go to school today”.
Alright, I can always try, I suppose.
It’s been several days now and I can’t stand
The morgue that my house has become;
No one smiles, raises their voice.
Sudden movements induce panic –
If anyone leaves the room will they come back?!
No holding of hands today
When I cross the expanse of rainbow tarmac.
Reluctance makes my feet too heavy
To cross the hopscotch lines.
Stare at the ground – clutch my book bag to my chest.
The sight of the door,
Distorted grins through frosted glass, hideous.
Taste of sulphur and vomit in my mouth –
“Don’t get yourself worked up.”
I slide through the threshold.
Act normal, blend in.
But absence makes the heart grow curious
And I’m not ready to mewl with these hungry kittens.
Big eyes and running noses latch to my face,
My shaking hands, my quivering chest...
Let me survive the morning, please. Just let me get through the morning.
The break time bell; my call to confession.
My back pressed against the red brick of the firing wall.
Nervous friends rubbing my elbows,
Chewing pigtails, and humming the Spice Girls.
Norfolk boys are brash and bold.
Some master empathy by high school.
And here’s Iain, in my face.
I look at him...he gawps at me,
Building up inside him – don’t expect sensitivity.
Scratching the lice, and in an accent as thick as his skull – “I told Caroline that you were prob’ly dead ‘cause we han’t seen you for ages”.
“No. My dad died”.